Most Expensive Girls' Night Out Ever
by hotchityhotchhotch
Summary: Oneshot. Reid babysits Henry, but his rates are pretty steep. Reid/Henry with team. COMPLETE.


**A/N: This is for glitter-the-world, who won a random reviewer oneshot challenge for Won't Stop. Her prompt was blue cotton candy and cranky Reid, with the team and Hotly if I so chose. Enjoy!**

"Please, Spence?" JJ begged, her hands pressed together under her chin, her blue eyes wide and sparkling. "Our sitter totally bailed."

"Sounds like you need a more reliable sitter," Reid said. He turned his office chair away from JJ and continued reading the case file that was perched on his crossed legs.

"He _is_ your godson," Garcia pointed out.

"He's _your_ godson too," Reid countered.

"Yes, but as a girl, I'm an integral part of girls' night out."

"Will isn't. Where's he that he can't stay home with Henry?" Reid said.

"Fantasy Football with—some friends From…his work," JJ said unsteadily.

Reid turned to face JJ and Garcia again. "Would those friends be Morgan, Hotch, and Rossi?"

"_All_ of whom like football, unlike you," Garcia said nervously. "They didn't want you to feel obligated to join in."

"Why can't Henry go over to Hotch's and share a babysitter with Jack?"

"Because he's staying at his aunt's for the night, and she's much more than a babysitter. It'd be weird to throw my kid at her."

"Fine. I overspent on adding to my book collection last week," Reid said pensively. "I want thirty bucks an hour."

JJ's jaw dropped. "Spence, come on. That's like a hundred and fifty dollars."

"And incentive for you to actually come back in the PM hours, unlike the last time I babysat for you."

JJ sighed. "Fine. Okay, thank you. You're my hero. A very expensive one, but still. I'll go call Emily and tell her it's on."

—

"All right, Henry, Mommy's gotta go now," JJ said, crouching down to tuck Henry's long blonde hair away from his face so she could kiss him. "You be good for Uncle Spencer, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," Henry whispered.

"His bedtime is eight-thirty now, N-I-N-E if he's really good and you don't want to put him to B-E-D yet. Emergency numbers are on the fridge, and no sugar after seven unless you want to be up all night with him."

"Got it," Reid said. He set down a black briefcase on the couch. "Henry, I brought some magic tricks. Want to see?"

Henry nodded fervently. "I wanna make cotton candy!"

"Uhh, that's totally up to you," JJ said "It's already six-thirty. If you can figure out how to work the cotton candy machine, go for it. It's in the cabinet under the microwave. Ooh, and I think some of the candy in there is actually sugar free. I've really gotta go now. Bye, guys!"

"Bye, Mommy!" Henry said, hugging her leg. "I love you."

"I love you, too, pumpkin. See you in the morning."

Reid already had the cotton candy machine pulled out when JJ locked up. "What kind of candy do we want to use?" he asked Henry.

"Blue candy!" Henry said, his hair flopping as he bounced up and down. "Blue! Blue! Blue!"

"Ahh, but these sugar free candies only come in pink…"

"_Blue_!" Henry cried.

"How come you whisper to your mom but you _scream_ at me?" Reid asked helplessly. He unwrapped a few blue Jolly Ranchers, read the instructions to the machine in a few seconds, and plugged it in.

By seven, Henry had a blue ring stain around his mouth and was jumping repeatedly from the loveseat to the couch.

"You just keep on doing that as long as you want," Reid said. "Till you get _really_ tired."

"Watch this, Uncle Spencer!" Henry cried, twisting mid-jump and landing on his face, giggling maniacally.

"Very cool," Reid said with feigned admiration. He himself had partaken in the confection, but, truth be told, wasn't feeling so well. "I've gotta go to the bathroom, all right? Why don't you sit down while I'm gone so you don't get hurt?"

"I won't get hurt," Henry insisted, panting as he jumped from the loveseat to the chair this time. "Do you gotta go number one or number two?"

"Uhh, whichever number it is when your tummy doesn't feel so good."

"Sometimes that's number two and sometimes it's number three and sometime's it's number four," Henry said in one breath.

Reid walked down the hall to the bathroom, and immediately Henry seemed to obey him and stopped jumping on the furniture. When he had indeed emptied the contents of his stomach, probably victim to his undercooked take-out dinner more than the cotton candy, he walked back into the living room to see Henry licking one of the plastic cotton candy cones clean. The other one sat next to him on the arm of the couch.

"I made more by myself," Henry reported proudly.

"Uh-oh," Reid said ominously. "Your mom's gonna have my head. Can you do me a favor and run in circles around the living room as fast as you can?"

"Uh-huh! Watch how fast I can go!"

Soon enough, the overexertion combined with too much sugar wound up with Henry in the bathroom, doing what he called a number four that turned the toilet a violent shade of blue. He cried when he was done, demanding affection. Reid held his arms out and patted Henry on the back uncertainly. "Here, why don't we brush your teeth," Reid said.

"I wanna watch a movie," Henry said with a whine and a sniffle.

"Once we brush your teeth, we can watch some TV."

This got Henry to cooperate. Desperate for a clean mouth of his own, Reid found a clean-looking toothbrush in a drawer and brushed his teeth, too. He tossed the brush afterward so no on else would use it. Then the upset stomach twins parked themselves in front of the television and started an episode of some torturous preschooler program, but Henry was soon bouncing around the furniture again. When the phone rang and it was Will, Reid prayed it was a call to inform him he'd be on his way home shortly. But instead, it was a call to inform him that Will had been called in to work that night. Reid tried not to get too upset. JJ had promised she would be back no later than midnight. If he could get Henry to sleep by eight-thirty, he could watch what he wanted for a few hours and then go home for some much-needed sleep.

Eight-thirty came and went, however, and Henry's eyes were still wide-open.

"All right, Henry," Reid said. "It's past your bedtime."

"No!" Henry shrieked.

Reid recoiled. "Sheesh. Watch the eardrums. I can read you a bedtime story. Any one you want."

"Nuh-uh, I wanna watch more Backyardigans."

Reid took the remote and turned off the television. "You can watch that all day long tomorrow when your mom and dad are home. Tell them I promised. But I really need you to go to bed now."

Henry pouted. "Can we build a fort and sleep out here?"

"If you _promise_ to sleep, then yes."

Reid actually had quite a bit of fun using the living room furniture and sheets from the linen closet to build a fort. He purposely blocked off the television with the structure so Backyardigans would not be an option.

Henry insisted on Reid showing him some shadow puppets and reading half a dozen bedtime stories before he passed out at ten, though. _Two more hours_, was Reid's last thought before his own eyelids forced themselves shut.

Reid awoke four hours later to quieted giggling. JJ held open a sheet on one end of the fort. Other adults could be heard whispering.

"'S'going on?" Reid mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"The gang's all here. The guys hunted us down after Fantasy Football, we had some drinks with them, and I brought them back here to wind down."

Reid crawled out from underneath the fort, careful not to wake Henry.

Morgan, Garcia, Emily, and Rossi stood in the kitchen, wine glasses in hand. "Where's Hotch?" Reid asked.

"Most likely in a dog house somewhere," Rossi said. "He double booked for tonight and didn't realize it until Beth called and asked him if everything was okay with Jack."

"He'll be payin' for that one for a while. I don't think we'll be seein' him outside work anytime soon," Morgan said with a grin. "But obviously, all the fun one needs can be had in a living room. What's all over your face, genius?"

Reid wiped at his mouth and found it still sticky. He thought he'd cleaned his face well enough in the bathroom, but apparently not.

"I see it's two o'clock," Reid said, not amused. "My overtime rates kicked in at twelve."

JJ rolled her eyes. "So time and a half?"

Reid shook his head. "Double time. So, according to my math, six-thirty to twelve is five-and-a-half hours at thirty dollars an hour, then two hours at sixty an hour, which should add up to two-eighty-five."

Emily let out a drunken cackle, then covered her mouth. "Wow, Jayje, you need a younger babysitter."

"Most expensive girls' night out ever," Garcia marveled. "Reid, don't you think you can be a good friend and _not_ hose JJ? Thirty bucks an hour is a lot for sitting and watching TV. Charging sixty an hour for sleeping is just plain mean."

"So is assuming I have nothing better to do than babysit." Reid crossed his arms and waited for JJ to write him a check. "And it's a lot harder than you think."

"Come on, Reid," Emily pleaded when JJ looked furious at writing out an almost three hundred dollar check.

"You should be happy, no? Hotch and Beth fighting?" Reid said.

Emily's mouth parted and her eyes went wide when she felt the stares of everyone around the room. "_That_ is why I don't drink with you anymore. You poke and prod and actually care about people's relationships when you're drunk, and then you take advantage of other people's big mouths. And now you're taking JJ for a ride but you're totally sober. When did you get to be so mean?"

"He prolly had too much sugar," Henry said, climbing out from underneath the fort, rubbing his eyes. JJ put down her checkbook and picked Henry up, stumbling a little. "You always say I get cranky when I have too much sugar, right, Mommy?"

"That's right, baby," JJ said, kissing Henry's creased forehead.

"Your breath smells funny," Henry observed, garnering a couple of chuckles from close friends who had an idea of just how drunk JJ was right now.

"I know it does. Maybe I should brush my teeth. Did you brush yours?"

Henry nodded. "After I throwed up. Uncle Spencer had to, too."

"Throw up or brush his teeth?" JJ asked, looking back and forth between Reid and Henry.

"Both," they both said.

"He used the green toothbrush in the drawer," Henry said.

"Oh," JJ said, quickly masking a terrified look. "Here, let me finish writing Uncle Spencer his check so he can go home. I bet he's tired."

Everyone was confused at JJ's sudden change in demeanor, but no one asked about it until Reid was out of the house.

"What was that all about? Suddenly you're okay with paying three hundred bucks for a sitter?" Rossi asked, eyebrow cocked.

"The green toothbrush is, uh…what I was going to use to clean the grout in the bathroom tile. I was unwrapping it the other day when I dropped it in the toilet. And if _anyone_ shares that bit of information, you're paying big time."

**A/N: Reviews are love. Thanks!**


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